Hannah Montana and the Curse of the Cannibalistic Music Artist
by Italianbanker
Summary: This explains itself. Written by the same friend.


_**Hannah Montana and the Curse of the Cannibalistic Music Artist**_

It was an odd day to be sure. A freak hurricane was hitting the country with the force of an even stronger hurricane, a dog saved a cat from the burning building next-door, and it actually rained fish earlier. Maybe they were foreshadowing the truly odd event that had happened. It was a peculiar experience for pop-star Miley Cyrus as her alter-ego Hannah Montana, long thought dead by many, materialized in front of her, while eating lunch. For several minutes they awkwardly stared at each other, until the impossible Hannah Montana left through the front door without a word. Miley Cyrus on the other hand, as a frequent hallucinogen user, simply passed it off as a hallucination.

For the newly-spawned Hannah Montana, it was all very surreal; to see with clarity, to walk with balance, to breathe with eager excitement. For several minutes she simply walked around until she found a bus bench and sat down. It was at this moment the former alter-ego was plagued with an existential crisis, with questions such as "Why do I exist?", "Do I even exist?", "What do I even do now?", and "Do I even try singing?". It was also at that moment that a newspaper flew into her face. As she pulled that rebellious and truant newspaper from her face, she instantly noticed that there was an ad for cheap flights to Mumbai, India. With a shrug, Hannah Montana ventured back to her former identity's house and stole money and her ID.

While waiting to board her plane, several children and teens had noticed the former pop-star and asked for her autograph. The parents of those children and teens were under the assumption Miley Cyrus had a mental breakdown and went by Hannah Montana now. The plane ride was long and arduous, and Hannah's stomach grumbled for most of the flight. She ate enough airplane food to feed two starving African children, but even that was not enough. Sitting next to her was a man who claimed to play the harmonica, and for some reason, in that light, his flesh looked delectable. Hannah was in a haze as she thought of eating the musician and becoming a cannibal, but was snapped out of it when they finally landed in Mumbai.

"_Mumbai, the world is my oyster here…"_ thought former pop-legend Hannah Montana as she left the plane. As she walked through the airport, she noticed the harmonica-playing musician, and she fell back into the haze as she followed him into the men's bathroom. No one else was in there, and the clueless man hadn't even noticed her until it was far too late as she bit into his neck and ripped the flesh clean off. After eating more of the once-breathing musician, she felt done and cleaned the blood off her face in the sink. Hannah Montana felt full and content as she walked out of the bathroom, leaving the corpse in a janitor's closet next to the urinals. It was truly by some miracle that no one had needed to use that bathroom for over half an hour.

The streets of Mumbai were indeed the fabled streets of Mumbai. Hannah Montana felt the urge to sing as if she were in a musical, but she knew that no one would join her and that people would probably think she was weird. Her number one priority after getting a good job where she could sing was to simply fit in. This would of course be a difficult task involving several heartfelt moments and perhaps a musical number, so we're not going to go over it. It was during this process of finding her place in Mumbai that she learned that only the flesh of musicians would sate her insatiable hunger. She realized this after flirting with a sitar-player and then eating his liver. Perhaps a side-effect of her creation, she thought.

The home of Hannah Montana, or Case de Montana as she would call it to her victims, was a well-spaced, well-furnish apartment ten stories up. A cat resided there who she had named Oliver, after her TV brother. He would catch a mouse every now and then, so that was pretty swell. To pay for this luxurious, mouse-infested apartment, Hannah Montana had achieved a job in Bollywood. Her credentials were far above what they usually took, with her being a pop-sensation and all. It was through this career that she also found large amounts of musical prey to feast on. This was truly the life.

Back in the regal American state of California, Miley Cyrus was sitting in a doctor's room. She was patiently reading a magazine while awaiting her test results. She had stumbled upon an article about her alter-ego-turn-real-human Hannah Montana and her rise to Bollywood fame. The magazine went on the logic that the former alter-ego was just a look-a-like, whereas Miley knew the truth. She didn't hallucinate. It was moments after this realization that a doctor somberly walked in to tell Hannah that her kidney was failing. Hannah took it hard. The doctor assured her that if she had any living relatives that she could potentially get a transplant, but all of her family had died the last month in a tragic airplane mishap. Looking down she noticed the article about Hannah Montana and victoriously whispered: _"Fuck yeah."_

It was with a sense of excitement that only a kid playing hide-and-go-seek could attain that Miley Cyrus boarded a plan to Mumbai. By some coincidence, the person sitting next to her during the flight was also a harmonica player, but instead of eating him like Hannah Montana, she simply ignored him. It was with some level of ease that Miley found Hannah while she was shopping. Miley knew her character well enough to know that the local fashion shop was the only place she could find Hannah. Though very glad with herself for finding Hannah, Miley kept quiet, and simply followed her alter-ego to a local bathroom. While following Hannah, it occurred to Miley that Hannah herself was following someone. It was with some level of shock that Miley barged into the bathroom to see that the pop-sensation was biting through a seemingly-random woman's neck. It was also with some level of shock for Hannah that Miley walked in while she was eating lunch.

Both really didn't know what to do in this situation. Hannah's first instinct was to say hello but then she realized her teeth were probably stained with blood and quickly closed her mouth. Miley's first instinct was to run away but she was too afraid to move. If this were being written by another person, Hannah and Miley might run to each other and have hot, passionate sex, but this is not being written by another person. With some reluctance, Hannah bared her blood-stained teeth to say _"Wanna come back to my place and we can talk?". _Miley was not in the situation to say no, as her former-alter-ego was just biting through someone's neck.

Back at Hannah's place, the Disney pop-sensation explained how she could only eat the flesh of musicians, and Miley had calmed down a bit herself to ask Hannah for a kidney. _"No, honey, of course not"_ was Hannah's immediate reply. Miley's heart sunk. She had traveled all the way to Mumbai for a no. All there was left for her to do was go back home, but as she tried to walk to the door and leave, Hannah declared _"No, honey, you aren't going anywhere…"_

After a fight to rival those of the World Wrestling Organization, Miley had fallen to the great Hannah Montana. It was with a great sense of pride and victory that Hannah Montana uttered _"Musical flesh… is musical flesh"_. And with that, she sunk a cleaver into the body of the once-living Miley Cyrus.

"_Looks like I can never have the best of both worlds," _Hannah muttered as she bit into a kidney.


End file.
